I grew up as the son of a United Methodist pastor. My mother was a loving presence, a gifted educator and hostess. She was a trained director of Christian Education and taught me much about how to gather groups.

Because of the Methodist system of regularly rotating pastors, we moved around a lot. Elementary School was in Hampton, Virginia in an all-white school. Middle school was in Hopewell Virginia in an integrated school. I graduated from Orange County High School, in Orange, Virginia. I was teased a lot in Hopewell for being the sissy kid. Orange was a place where I was loved for who I was. I was very involved in student government, the drama club, choir, the wrestling team, and lots of church activities. I had loving and supportive friends and family.

I was also very engaged in statewide Virginia youth activities. From Millie Cooper, the director of youth ministry for the state, I learned about the power of groups to change lives. (And, on a personal note, my first boyfriend was Mickey, the mayor’s son.)

I graduated from Emory and Henry College near Abingdon, Virginia with degrees in psychology and religion. I was active in student government, eventually becoming the student government president. I discovered the joy of advanced choral singing as a part of the Emory and Henry Concert Choir. I loved making a difference.

I lived a year in Abingdon, Virginia working as a social worker at the Department of Social Service. As “the welfare man,” I learned a lot about poverty in Appalachia.

For five years I lived in Louisville, Kentucky, where I earned a master’s in divinity from the Presbyterian Theological Seminary and a master’s in social work from the University of Louisville.

It was in 1980 that I finally came out to my parents as a gay man. In 1984 I moved in with my future husband, Bill.

Moving to California with Bill when he was called to an Episcopal church as director of music, I worked briefly at an adolescent psychiatric hospital. My calling, however, was to the Orange County Jail Mental Health Team. Here I developed my skills as a mental health provider, being introduced to a huge variety of clients with all kinds of backgrounds and mental health problems.

My life as an activist began as I became involved with the Eleanor Roosevelt Gay and Lesbian Democratic Club. It was here that I worked to defeat an anti-gay measure in Irvine, California and three statewide propositions (Props 64, 69, and 102) designed to quarantine people with AIDs. The dedication and passion of this activist community changed my way of looking at the world.

Later in California, I worked for three years as a social worker in an HIV clinic in Santa Ana. In the early ‘90s we had little to offer patients medically. What we did offer was presence, love, and passion, so they might live life as fully as possible. My faith sustained me through these dark days.  I knew that God loved me, and God loved people with AIDS. My job was to show love. Dozens of clients and friends died in those years.  I work hard not to forget the lessons of those years. In particular, I still know the truth of the Act Up phrase “Silence Equals Death.”

The next chapter of my life was in Tucson, Arizona. As a manager at the Pima County Health Department, I was able to develop a state-of-the-art HIV/STD program that included the creation of a drop-in center for gay youth and Arizona’s first needle exchange program. What a joy to be able to create a life-saving program that still exists today.

We moved to Washington, DC when Bill was called as director of music at St. John’s, Lafayette Square—the “church of the presidents” that you’ve probably seen on TV. I worked for five years at the National Education Association. Here I developed the Can We Talk About Bullying? curriculum. I served as a trainer for parents regarding sexual health. I also taught union leaders how to talk about AIDs with their members and create policies to support people living with HIV.

My next opportunity was working at Inova Health System. In my job as site director for the AIDS education and training center, I trained medical professionals regarding HIV/STD and other health issues. Throughout my region of Northern Virginia, the Shenandoah Valley, and Southwest Virginia, I provided hundreds of trainings. Also while at Inova, I created an outreach to young black gay men called the Gay Men’s Health Collaborative. I implemented HIV testing in three emergency rooms and continued my role as a trainer and mental health therapist.

While I worked at Inova Health System, I created the retreat experience called Gay Spirits. This was in response to meeting gay people who felt they had to make a choice between their faith and their sexual orientation. Hundreds of gay men have experienced the Gay Spirits weekend where they explored their gay and spiritual selves. There have been 25 retreats and still counting.